Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
