Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
