I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
