worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
