Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
