Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it glows. i had to have it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
