I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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