i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
