I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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