Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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