that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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