The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
