No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
