her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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