i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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