Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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