In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
