Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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