I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
