hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
