This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
