so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
