The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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