Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
