the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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