***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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