I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
