with your own penis?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
