Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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