He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
