Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
