i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
