I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
