i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
