I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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