I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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