My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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