I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
