Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
