we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
