Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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