if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
