I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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