I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
