I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
