He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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