There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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