im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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