I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
