Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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