I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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