The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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