Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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