then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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